Brits to boycott Argentinian beef
Francis Sedgemore, Tuesday 14 February 2012 at 11:50 UTC
Many Brits think that meat is grown on polystyrene trays under cling film, but a beef boycott is a predictable response to the refusal of Argentinian dock workers to handle British-flagged ships.
That great statesman and facilitator of international dialogue Sean Penn has commented on the new Falkland Islands/Malvinas crisis, and referred to Britain’s “ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology”. Britain is certainly ludicrous, but it has never been committed to anything in particular, and the Falkland islanders would be wise to heed this.
Self-determination being the slogan of the day, the Malvinians have every right to tell Buenos Aires where to get off. But when the UK armed forces are being stripped to the bone, with experienced soldiers handed P45s and directions to the nearest dole office, the islanders cannot in all seriousness expect another rescue from the old country.
I hereby propose a compromise. Britain should raid the piggybank, and send a few plane loads of non-perishable provisions (bully beef), small arms, ammunition and surface-to-air missiles to Port Stanley, together with the loan of some of our finest military engineers and special forces trainers. The resulting popular resistance will be no match for the might of the Argentinian state, but the Falklanders will at least go down fighting like the plucky Brits they claim to be.
Feed the writer! 
Tuesday 14 February 2012 at 16:48 UTC
Malvinas are ours! Eeenglish piratas go home! We won the war of liberation, our boys are heroes, you eenglish pigs, viva argentina, maradona hand of god jajaja, hehe, wibble wibble hatstand.
Wednesday 15 February 2012 at 12:06 UTC
During the last dispute over these drink sodden islands it was suggested that the Falklanders would be far better off opening negotiations to become an autonomous provincia of Argentina.
There’s no chance of that happening though if the economy deteriorates further, as we’ll have to start another one of our endless pointless wars in order to find temporary jobs for looters.
Wednesday 15 February 2012 at 12:46 UTC
If all else fails, the Malvinians could decamp to the Shetland Islands (though at the risk of precipitating war with Denmark). They could even bring a few penguins to make them feel more at home. The Shetlanders are a friendly lot.
Thursday 16 February 2012 at 13:28 UTC
Yep. I hope there is an unoccupied island or two in vicinity of Albion, because between Sean Penn, his mustache and Diego Armando Maradona Falkland is doomed.
And the more Brits boycott Argentinian beef, the more I’ll be able to enjoy the reduced price. Cool.
Thursday 16 February 2012 at 13:42 UTC
If the threat of Denmark bombing Lerwick is too much to bear, the Malvinians could always repopulate St Kilda. That is, if Scotland’s Farrrsst Ministarrr Fishheid McMoonface gives the OK.
Monday 27 February 2012 at 18:47 UTC
Follow “Boycott Argentinian Bullies” on Facebook please.
Monday 27 February 2012 at 18:55 UTC
No.