According to the European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction, and reported by that paragon of moral virtue The Daily Wail, Britain is now third behind Denmark and France in the use of cannabis. Brits are instead turning into coke and speed-heads, we are told. No class, cultural wasteland, blah.

It comes as no surprise to me that Denmark tops the table of dope smoking nations in Europe. For one thing, speaking Danish while straight is well-nigh impossible, even for natives. This much I know from personal experience. But for Britain to lag the old enemy France in the toking stakes is a disgrace. We should hang our heads in shame.

So fire up those spliffs, citizens of Albion; your country needs you!

Hat tip: The Wife