Gurgle.com – that projectile vomit-flecked website for all things baby – reports that a number of traditional English names are in danger of extinction within a generation.

Classics such as Gertrude, Edna and Ethel for girls, and Norman, Walter and Percy for boys, are on the way out, we are told. Research shows that in 2005 only two Normans were born in EnglandandWales, and not one single Gertrude. Other well-known traditional names have remained in vogue, with some evolving into new forms. Examples of the latter would be Lilian (formerly Lily) and Alfie (Alfred).

I regard this as a tragedy. Do we want to see glorious Albion overrun with Kylies and other ghastly foreign impositions? No, say I, we must fight to preserve the names of old England!

Gertrude is a fine name. In fact, if I were to have a baby girl, it would be a struggle for me not to go one better and name her Ermintrude. How cool is that? But even Ermintrude is pale by comparison with the magnificent names of children of friends – an Anglo-German couple – who named their girls Ælfleda and Frideswide, and boys Wulfric and Dunstan.

Act now before it’s too late, and give us Adas and Ernests, Noras and Herberts. Do it for England.

Hat tip: BBC