In a different universe I would be neither a science hack nor an editor. I would be a virtually unusable item of flat-pack furniture, and it would not concern me one little bit.

IKEA makes it happen, says Ario, who then advises us not to visit the global retail phenomenon on a Saturday. I say don’t go at all. IKEA is evil. IKEA is a major contributory cause of marital breakdown, and Ingvar Kamprad’s bastard child should be destroyed without prejudice.