Britons on their summer holidays are the subject of an entertainingly voyeuristic article in the New York Times by London-based hack Sarah Lyall.

Given that Lyall is renowned for being boozing Brit-obsessed, there are no prizes for guessing that the theme of her latest piece is the antics of Essex Girl and Leeds Boy, and the long trail of vomit they leave in their wake.

In the case of the Cretan resort of Malia, it would seem that the natives are getting a little pissed off with the tourists’ behaviour. They are now demanding, in typically British form, it must be said, that something be done.

The first truth that should be acknowledged here is that it’s all New Labour’s fault, naturally. In which case Malia’s Mayor Lagoudakis is wasting his time saying that “The government of Britain has to do something.” Just what any government could do about such a situation is unclear to me.

Having seen similar behaviour in a whole number of British city centres and market towns, what’s happening in Crete doesn’t shock or surprise me at all. But what I fail to understand is how a 21 year-old Essex man who has consumed…

“five beers; six specialty drinks combined with Baileys, tequila, absinthe, ouzo, vodka, gin and orange juice; five vodka and lime drinks; and then five cans of Stella Artois”

…could possibly perform with the young lady that all this alcohol “emboldened” him to pick up. Is he really so inadequate in the social skills department as to require such extreme lubrication?

What has happened to grace and charm, which are easily learned and cost nothing?

Raising the glass to: JCW