In pre-liberation Iraq, the national football side had to answer to the dictator’s son Uday Hussein. When the team lost, Uday’s idea of motivational practice included torture.

In today’s Germany, footballers answer to the country’s prime minister, Frau Doktor Angela Merkel. If the team loses tonight’s Euro 2008 final with Spain, then its members are assured of a jolly good talking to by the Bundeskanzler. Merkel will not be pleased.

But, tough nut though Merkel is, a few cross words will be as far as it goes.

Anyway, Brit though I be in terms of travel documents if little else, tribal loyalty and maternal genetic lineage dictate that I cheer on the Germans this evening as they and their Iberian opponents kick an inflated latex bladder around an Austrian field.

Post-match update

Never mind lads. But if I were you I wouldn’t try fleeing to Britland; the government and people here are not particularly sympathetic to asylum seekers.